i can’t take this ive gained 2kg’s in such a short period of time! i hate how i gain weight faster then i lose it, mental breakdown right her, yup so f****ing over this!
"What did you eat today?"
really struggling right now! everything is just far to overwhelming, i’m trying to figure out what i want to do next year and seeing my options because i have no idea and mum keeps telling me i wont cope at University. so obviously she’s telling me i’m dumb !! i feel so worthless at the moment, im already SO uncomfortable in my body and to add to that i’m dumb! argh so...
h0pingforfreedom: not sick enough and not thin enough
Eating Disordered Things in Real Life vs. Movies
Laxatives in movies: Person immediately has blow-out diarrhea, with much hilarity.
Laxatives in real life: Person waits six hours.. twelve hours.. forgets about taking laxatives.. then has blow-out diarrhea, usually in a public place, with much embarrassment.
Purging in movies: Person sticks finger down throat, daintily pukes quietly into toilet, flushes, and looks fabulous.
Purging in real life: Person sticks whatever is available down throat, struggles to puke, makes dying walrus noises, finally vomits, vomit comes out nose, gets vomit and toilet water splashed into face and hair, snots and drools for several more minutes, flushes, washes combination of vomit and snot off face, still looks like a train wreck and smells like vomit.
Fasting in movies: Person never eats, ever, is super happy, and immediately becomes emaciated.
Fasting in real life: Person fasts until the hunger overtakes the mind, finally breaks down and eats whatever is available, cries and is miserable, takes months to lose a significant amount of weight because metabolism is dead.
Over-exercise in movies: Person runs for hours on the treadmill, looks fabulous and toned.
Over-exercise in real life: Person struggles to run for hours on the treadmill, stumbles with shaking legs for the last hour, still looks flabby due to muscle wasting.
Anorexics and bulimics in movies: Severely emaciated, everyone concerned.
Anorexics and bulimics in real life: Come in all sizes, usually of "normal" weight, very few people notice or concerned.
h0pesdiary asked: <3
omg the tears just keep rolling down my cheeks. PLEASE STOP i have to go out in 15 minutes. i can’t do it
I’m so empty, toheavy almost ready to break and i cant wait much longer i need more then just an angel and i cant act much stronger i need more then just an angel, i keep my head up looking for a sign something to tell me that ill be fine, why do i have to do this on my own i am surrounded but i feel so alone
how I've been feeling recently..
feeling stuck, feeling trapped, feeling lost i’m out of words. my mind is like a battlefield, a war between my myself and my mind. losing strength. Losing hope.I’m falling but i’m begging for someone to catch me. I don’t want to fall i’m being pushed, pushed by this evil manipulating demon inside of me. i don’t want to sink i want to swim but to swim i need help...
bye bye for now
just deleted my facebook.. lets see how long this lasts haha, it was far too triggering ! need a breather
I just want my brain to focus, i need to get all my assignments done, WHY CAN I NOT FOCUS! >:(
TW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!TW TW TW TW
ahhhh i need a release ! something i dont know what to do , i seriously feel like od , self harming, purging, i dont know what to do anymore, this feeling inside is taking over
holey mother i have gained weight like crazy, feeling a little bit like a balloon here ;(
so im having a really bad body image day and im home alone tonight… thats means dinner is all in my hands, im kind of scared either way im gonna be upset.. if i have dinner, the voices will scream and if i dont ill be upset in myself for failing at recovery. decisions :/
i have been binging sooo much latley :( i dont know how to stop :(
is it just me or….? i feel sick when i eat red meat like i dont know when im eating it i feel sick, idk if its because of like all the blood before its cooked outs me of ? im so confused but i struggle alot to eat red meat, does anyone else have this problem?
this makes me cry everytime
insomniatic--dreams asked: hi so I'm just going to pick random questions because I thought you might appreciate someone asking some haha :) have a lovely day/night! 83, 72, 19, 40, 16
i will answer to every ask i get uuuuh
Have you ever:
1) Self harmed?
2) Got into a real fight?
3) Been too depressed to move out of your bed?
4) Tried to commit suicide?
5) Had to lie to EVERYONE about how you felt?
6) Watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting?
7) Talked yourself out of serious trouble?
8) Accused someone of using you?
10) Gotten drunk/high?
11) Been to a concert where your favourite artist was playing?
12) Skipped doing homework to play a video game?
(Right now) Are you:
15) Avoiding someone?
16) Avoiding some task?
19) Annoyed with a friend?
20) Worried and confused about something important to you?
21) Get depressed easily?
22) Get jealous/envious easily?
23) Feel listening to music can take your mind off things?
24) Worry about messing about your relationships a lot?
25) Try hard in all your classes at school?
26) Go out drinking?
27) Smoke cigarettes?
28) Smoke weed?
29) Do any hard drugs?
30) If you said yes to 28 but no to 29, Why?
31) Believe in God/Belong to a religion of your own free will?
32) Avoid people you care about because you feel you will only hurt them?
33) Agree that self harm numbs emotional pain?
34) Believe people deserve second chances?
35) Agree with ‘An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth’? (ignoring the religious relation to that saying)
36) Think things will get better?
37) Feel afraid that you have done wrong and will eventually be punished?
38) (be honest) Do you judge people who think differently to you? (seriously, be honest)
Preference in boyfriend/girlfriend:
39) Long hair OR short hair?
40) (For Girls one) nice smile OR nice abs?
41) (For Guys one) nice smile OR nice chest?
42) Shy OR open?
43) Eyes OR body?
44) Religious OR non-religious?
45) Caring OR non-restricting of you?
46) Straight edge OR non-straight edge?
47) Piercings OR no piercings?
48) Tattoos OR no tattoos?
49) Quiet stay-at-home type OR party type?
50) Has friends you get along with OR has parents you get along with?
51) Drink alcohol until you were drunk?
52) Smoke weed?
53) Smoke cigarettes?
54) Get even with someone who betrayed you?
55) Forgive a boyfriend/girlfriend who deeply hurt you?
56) Attempt to kill yourself if everything fails you?
57) Keep your faith (any religious view) no matter what?
58) Join a band as a part time activity?
59) Feel sorry for someone who is being affected negatively from alcohol/drug abuse?
60) Stand up for your beliefs if someone strongly goes against them?
61) Go vegetarian for a month to see what is was like?
62) Fight someone who was harassing your friends/family?
63) Edit photos of yourself before posting them online?
64) Put up with friends who constantly hated against something you believed in/supported?
65) Be friends with someone who was nice to you, but a cunt to other people?
66) Not like someone simply because your friend(s) didn’t like them?
67) Lie to someone close to you because you don’t want them put up with your problems?
68) Starve yourself so you fit some certain clothes?
69) Get surgery on any part of you? If yes then which part of you?
70) Sleep naked?
You can only choose one:
71) Black or Orange?
72) Metalcore OR Post-Hardcore?
73) Cellphone or Computer?
74) Chocolate milk OR Coke?
75) Tumblr OR Friends?
76) Apple OR PC?
77) TV Shows OR Movies?
78) Old bands OR new Bands?
79) Pop-Punk OR Alternative Rock?
80) Reading OR Listening to music?
81) Coke OR Pepsi? Define your reason for your choice.
82) Staying who you are OR changing yourself drastically?
83) Breakdown OR Clean vocal bridge?
84) Jonny Craig OR Kellin Quinn? Define your reason for your choice.
85) Ronnie OR Craig? Define your reason for your choice.
86) Your life as a comedy OR Your life as a documentary?
87) Go to outer space OR Go all around Europe?
88) Shoes OR Shirts?
89) Chelsea Grin OR Suicide Silence?
90) Drop out of school to get a job OR stay at school and finish your education. Define your reason for your choice.
91) So far have you told 90 truths? And for fuck sake be honest.
92) Are you quiet about your social life with your family?
93) Do you want to travel when you are older?
94) Would you let go of people who mean the most to you to follow your dreams?
95) Did you notice there are no sex related questions?
96) Rather be the opposite gender?
97) What will you name your son/daughter?
98) Do you get harassed more than most people do?
99) What band do you hate the most? Define your reason.
100) What makes you a bad person in your mind?
I keep my head up, looking for a sign Something to tell me that I’ll be fine Why do I have to do this on my own I am surrounded but I feel so alone
ugh its one of these nights -.-
Struggle street -.-
I don't think many people realize that a person...
recovering-for-peanut-butter: THIS IS SO TRUE!
thebloodstillstains reblogged your post: this is actually really scary :( This is such a great description of what it is like having an ED. totally agree! it so scary
this is actually really scary :(